In today’s great tea appreciating society, one must be aware of the correct way to conduct the exquisite tea brewing methods and etiquette. As a great nation, we must enforce these small rules and regulations, lest we fall victim of unsatisfactory tea blends and dismay with life.

It is our duty to ensure that every cup of tea fulfills its potential and no man, woman or child is left weeping at their china vessels.

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1.If more than three people ask for specific and fussy tea creations, smile graciously, nod… and forget immediately. They can’t really expect one to remember too many.

2.One sugar is fine, two is borderline acceptable, but flat-out refuse to make tea with 3+ sugars. One should suggest a teacup full of sugar instead.

3.When carrying 4 cups of tea, remember to warm up your tea carrying limbs beforehand. This takes skill, but if one manages to carry two in each hand, expect rapturous applause and a standing ovation.

4.The age old question still exists today: which biscuit can withstand a dunking? HobKnob Vs Digestive – We suggest going to the government for funding for this project. Then ensure one presents a plate of the winning goodies to your guests.

5.One should always add milk once the tea has fully brewed. To perform this in reverse would be blasphemous.

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6.When one continuously clinks their spoon when stirring, politely request to see the spoon. Then throw it out the nearest open window. They will not learn otherwise.

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7.If one is brewing tea for those who do not take sugar nor milk, present the cup on bended knee. They are the hardcore tea-drinker which commands immediate respect.

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8.When one is hosting a Cream Tea afternoon, ensure the scones resemble the thickness of a door wedge. The bigger the better or one may have a mutiny on their hands.

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9.If one requests a slice of lemon to be placed in their brew, arrange a variety of citrus slices for their choice. If one is strange enough to clamour for lemon, one is sure to appreciate the colourful range.

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10.When using a tea pot, one must invest in a quality tea cosy. To allow the precious tea to turn cold, one may as well be serving drain water.

11.When brewing tea, allow for a solid minute at the very least. One may refer to it as ‘Builders Brew’ but it would be more fitting to dub it ‘The Brew of the Gods’.

12.When observing one making tea with a cheap ‘fallen-off-the-back-of-a-lorry’ range of bags, patiently wait for them to vacate the room before throwing it down the sink.

Fitting excuses for the disappearance can range from ‘A flock of birds just flew in and the tea lay victim to their frenzy’ or ‘Mr Yorkshire of Yorkshire Tea just appeared in a poof of smoke and abducted it. He always senses when a tea crime is about to happen’.

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